and Memorable Quotes...
Political Correctness has made it inappropriate to
host this material on a company web-server.
So It's now moved to some other unsuspecting fools
server.
Register your patter here, don't let someone else take the credit for your
funnies.
If you don't understand why some of these are actually
funny, just ask around, someone
will give you the details.
If you have any memorable quotes please submit.
Page 1 You Are Here
Page 2 NOW ADDED !
Page
3 A Special on Dave Quinn !!
NOW ADDED !
Page
4 Produced by Dave "Tenko" McQueen and supplied by Simon Muirhead, The World Famous Millarisms !!
Thanks, to everyone who has contributed so
far.... 50 submissions and growing !!
Last Updated 12:15pm July 7th 1999.
Future Attractions - She may not have DONE FRENCH since school,
but there's plenty material for a Chris Muirhead Special <
Coming Soon !!
"Last night I found that if you go to the marina and check all the trollies, not all the posh snobs remember to get their deposit when returning the trolley. I made 3 quid last night!"
-Charlie Waugh July 7th 1999
" I Love You - Bob
S."
-Test Engineering 1909
"What balls would those be then
?"
- Joanne Crinion 1994
" Join Product Engineering, See the Plant " - Stan Mair 1998
We should add that Stan Mair is the "BEST PRODUCT
ENGINEER UK HAS EVER PRODUCED"
"I was under the dryer for ages but my ring is still soaking!"
on leaving the washroom, still rubbing her
hands... - Mags Callaghan 1993
" Boob to Bill Ratio
"
- Arthur Mathie 1997
asking 2 young girls on the now-famous Edinburgh trip..
" Do you know where we can find one of those(wink, wink) dodgy bars?"
To which one of them replied
" I take it YOU mean a gay
bar?"
- Brian Litterick 1998
"Could you work my split
?"
- Joanne Crinion (again) <
"If there are any urgent issues, my mobile number is......."
followed by
"I want whoever called me all day
disciplined !" - Gordon
Pollard 1995
"Gordon, they called using your pin
number" -
I.S
1995
" Culloden Transfer 1998
"
- Arthur Mathie 1998
"Tommy, if that comes up Bin 1 I'll B#@w you off !"
still owed
to this day
!
- Chrissy Muirhead <
"I'd rather have it all over my leg than all over the table ...."
She was talking about scrambled eggs !
!
- Chrissy Muirhead <>
"I can't think, I need to do it ...."
Despite the coincidence
that Simon had been in Malacca
for a fortnight, she was actually
talking about filling in a form. ! - Chrissy
Muirhead <>
"I can't do this, it's far too hard."
Yes, it's Chrissy again.
This
time she's cutting a bit of birthday cake. !
- Chris Muirhead Muirhead <>
"You know that favour you owe me for the bin 1's."
Tommy Moffat calling
in his debts.
!
Muirhead <>
"I Measure the width, not the length ...."
This time she's
showing Tony how to measure CD cells !
!
- Chrissy Muirhead <>
"You can't beat that warm feeling when it goes off in your hand...."
Morgan talking about shotguns (not porridge guns)
!
Morgan Bryce <>
"Andrew, can you raise it ?"
Talking about an ECN actually ....
!
- Chrissy Muirhead <>
New product team meeting, question raised regarding
"package size" to which the young lady answered:
" you
know the size of it, its roughly the size of my ring ! "
- Moyra Peterson
<>
"I wish I'd listen to what my mother had told me"
what was
that then ?
"I don't know, I didn't
listen"
- Tommy Moffat 1906
"I find it so hard satisfying people around
here"
- Joanne Crinion (yet again) <>
Chris Campbell at a Fab meeting..
"So does anyone know
what the gate in Metal
Gate CMOS is made of ?"
Ehjaz
(who had been set up by his collegues beforehand)
"I know this
one, it's POLY isn't it
!"
- Ehjaz
whenever
"That chickens awful, in fact it's
fowl"
- Tommy Moffat 1907
pulling a jar of vaseline from her desk....
what's
that for ? someone asks....
"Oh, it's for my
lips"
- Joanne Crinion (who else ?) <>
Tricia Get's Pregnant and Passes her driving test..
"Great, now there's someone to give me a run home
from the pub
!"
- Campbell Blackie 1997
"That chickens rubbery"
I'm glad you enjoyed
it.
- Tommy Moffat 1907
on hearing that John Caldwell calls his answering machine
and leaves himself memos....
"must be one helluva long
tape"
- Arthur Mathie 1998
"F!#*K $%!!@ *&!T
!!=FF"
- Riaz "Kenny from Southpark" Shiek
" Funghi pizza but without the mushrooms
please!" - Joe Doc 1998
stopping 2 girls in the street....
" Do you know where I
can find 2 good looking girls?" - Joe Doc again (two mins
later)
"Has anybody got a hairdryer?"
a desperate attempt to cover
up a wet stain from the previous night
on the bevvy, unsure if
he had wet the bed or just spilled some water.
Murray Roose 1998
"I've got a 2 ft
Yagi"
- Morgan Bryce
"Hello, is that the helpdesk ? I'd like to report that Winframe
has
crashed."
- Everyone in the plant - 1997 - 98
evaluating possible business opportunities.
"I'm as
tight as a ducks arse but I'd happily pay 150 quid for a wooden
pig." - C. Waugh 1998
"Who's this guy Frik Wu
?"
- Henry Carron 1995
"It said that I'm a great engineer but I don't send enough
emails to Sandy"
Lewis Macdonald discussing his appraisal
while deciding
whether or not to go and become the design
manager for
Phillips. He immediately
accepted.
- Lewis Macdonald 1995
" F*!ck Off, Love
Ray"
- Ray Timms 1066
"I'll get that done for you right
away"
- Matt Lascom ad infinitum
"I wanna be an engineer
!"
- Michael Adams always
"Big guy, what do you use on your hair ? its really cool !"
to a contractor he had seen every day (and obviously admired)
but never got round to
asking..
- Dougie Eadie 1995
"brwwwwourr,Too busy,
brwoourrr"
- Ray Timms 1842
"You know that guy in development ?, you know
the big guy,
wears glasses ?. You know, he's
English, wears wooly jumpers ? curly
hair ? came
from Plessey ?"
ah ! you mean the
BLACK guy that's Dave Collins !
(one operator suffers
from chronic political
correctness) - Anonymous
1995 <>
"Do you wanna go somewhere quiet
?"
- Gary Sandison 1998
"Tried this ? tried that ? f*&!ed If I
know"
- Ronnie Kyle 1314
"Sandra they say we need our own caravan
!" - Paul
Dolan Summer '93
"But Bob
says..."
- Ehjaz Iftikar one fateful day
"I'm Bob's
Boss"
- Graeme Dixon same fateful day
"Hi, Colin won't be in
today"
- Rona McGinn every other Tuesday.
" I'm going to make sure I give it to everybody before I leave!"
Deciding whether to go home or not, at the time suffering
from the cold
-
- Chris Muirhead 1993
"Now let's not get bogged down in
ceramics"
- Alec Millar FAB1 <>
"Two stags
!"
- Brian Litterick (ask Timmsy) <>
"That's another 75 pence !"
Charlie, as he finishes his
round of checking the
vending machines for uncollected
change.
- Charlie Waugh 1998 <>
"Hello Fab 2 ?Jxxxxe Pxxxx here. The vendors don't like
selling
4" wafers anymore. We were wondering if you would
like to start
taking the bigger ones
?
- Jxxxxxe Pxxxxx
<>
"I just want to say something to Charlie I've
been wanting to
say for some time now,
F*!ck off Charlie, Now I'm away to listen to
some
Celine Dunoon everybody
peeps"
- Ertan Baykal 1998.
"If you put any quotes from me on there I'm gonna
f#!$&ng
have ye
!"
- Gary Stenskie 1998.
"This time next year we're gonna party like
we've never partied
before !
"
- B. Diamond October 1997.
"Business is bad because you guys aint buying enough
VCR's"
- B. Diamond Comms Meeting 1997
"My petrol cap wouldn't stay on so I bought some super
glue at
the petrol station and glued it on. My sunroof kept
leaking also so I
used the rest of the glue on
that".
- Alistair Hastie
"Lynne Forbes, is that with a 'ph'
?"
- Paul Dolan
"Is that prononced 'Sheek' Macgregor
?"
- Another Dolanism.
"Norman, just pull it out so we can have a look at it"
- Chrissie asking Norman to help her check a test pattern.
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